AGGRESSIVENESS

Timid athletes wait for opportunities; aggressive athletes make them.

A “playmaker” in basketball is a player who is willing to take responsibility for the game and aggressively do all in his power to alter the outcome of the game. Playmakers are highly paid athletes who just don’t accept the other team’s defense or his own team’s failure to pull ahead as a reason to back off but rather they look at them as invitations to jump over or adeptly move around the court to achieve their goal which is to win. They don’t wait for someone else to do something. They are resolute and are willing to do whatever it takes. 

Christians are taught to be humble. Christians are taught to be meek. Christians are taught to be gentle and kind and to “turn the other cheek” when they are attacked or offended. Christians are taught to be forgiving and merciful, slow to anger and slow to speak. But sometimes we misinterpret the things that the Bible teaches us regarding these admirable qualities. We interpret such teachings to mean that we should be timid and afraid, cowardly and hesitant. We sometimes believe that it is the duty of a Christian to actually be weak.

Yet the Bible teaches us that we must be strong in order to be godly, and we must be fervent in the execution of our faith. Jesus was gentle whenever gentleness was demanded, but Jesus was resolute when it came to the fulfillment of his earthly mission. Jesus had no trouble overturning the tables of the money changers, and Jesus had no trouble looking the Pharisees in the eye and calling them hypocrites.

Self-control is not the same as timidity. But when we live with timid hearts and approach life with timid attitudes, we are setting ourselves up for failure. We are sentencing ourselves to lives of mediocrity and careers that are quite “average.” If you want to do great things and achieve the goals God has placed in your heart, you are going to have to learn how to fight for those dreams and aggressively pursue those goals. You are going to have to learn to do battle with circumstances, with yourself, and with individuals and institutions that stand between you and your dreams.

As a believer, you can fight for your dreams while remaining humble, and remaining kind. But you can never do great things by remaining reticent or faint-hearted. You must be aggressive in the pursuit of success. Aggressiveness is a positive thing, not a negative thing and the kind of healthy aggressiveness that leads to personal and professional success is an aggressiveness that motivates us to take the initiative in those things that truly matter.

Whenever a basketball bounces off the backboard or the rim following a missed shot, the players on both teams go after the ball aggressively. This doesn’t mean that the players hate one another. This doesn’t mean that the players want to hurt each other. This doesn’t mean that the athletes on the court are bad people or that they are selfish or cruel. This simply means that winning requires the aggressive pursuit of the goals that are important to us.

God has provided the birds with food, but the birds have to actually chase the insects and catch the worms. God has provided the plants of the field with the rain and sunlight they need in order to grow, but even the mindless plants have a gene structure that tells them they must compete with the weeds and the weather, with the insects and the blight, in order to survive. Nothing in this life is guaranteed and nothing comes easy. If we intend to take the prize that others have failed to capture, we must be prepared to aggressively pursue that prize and to show unrelenting resolve in our determination to prevail, because God never blesses nothing. That’s right! God never blesses nothing. Instead, God blesses something. We must give God something to bless if we expect him to prosper our efforts. We must take the initiative if we expect him to do those things we cannot do for ourselves. We can learn to be aggressive without being offensive and to utilize purposeful initiative as the fuel that drives the engine of achievement which is that thing that turns the ship around.

One of the essential components of aggressiveness is hard work. Through hard work, a person can do almost anything. Without hard work, a person can do little more than survive. In fact, all the important elements of one’s life are undergirded and advanced through work. A successful career, a healthy body, a happy heart, a peaceful home, and even an enjoyable hobby are all made possible through hard work. Without work, nothing of substance can be achieved in life. With consistent work, the sky is the limit.

Nature is a good place to look if you want to understand the principles of success that God wove into his creation. And when we look at nature, there is an underlying principle of hard work permeating every aspect of life. Before a farmer can sell his corn, for instance, that farmer must do the work of sowing his seeds in the soil. And this is the way it is with our dreams. A dream without work is like a seed in the farmer’s hand. The seed cannot produce its life until the farmer does the work that is necessary to plant that seed in the ground. But when the farmer does his part, the seed releases its power and the farmer’s dreams are achieved. Hard work, therefore, is the basis for everything that is worth having in life.

One reason that many people lack the aggressiveness they need to be successful is that aggressiveness, though necessary, can often produce some bitter consequences. Whenever a person becomes assertive, taking the initiative to drive his life forward and to contend with the forces that hinder him in his worthy pursuits, he can easily be inflicted with bumps and bruises; bumps and bruises that can leave scars resulting in fearfulness and hesitancy.

In almost every sport, injuries are part of the game. Basketball players, for instance, will often be forced to sit out several games or entire seasons due to broken bones, torn ligaments, sprained ankles, and other injuries that result from intense play. And even though protective gear has improved in almost every sport, football players still get concussions and baseball players still get struck in the face with wild pitches. It’s the nature of aggressive play.

But if athletes can accept injuries as part of the sports they play, we, too, should be able to endure a certain number of “injuries” in the game of life. We should understand that life is a contact sport and that the nature of life demands competition and the aggressive pursuit of our goals. And with this understanding as our guide, we should not be naïve, but rather should be prepared to endure some pain as we pursue the meaningful things in life.

In some area of your life—perhaps several areas of your life—you will suffer setbacks before you have finished your course. In some area of your life, you will suffer the pain of defeat, failure, or betrayal. But in the same way that your body was created to heal itself with the passage of time, the trauma of your past mishaps will eventually pass away. And when it does, you should get back in the game, because bumps and bruises are never permanent.

Behind every success, there is a lot of risk and a lot of planning. Behind every success, there is a lot of thought and a lot of due diligence. There may even be a lot of prayer. But one thing’s for sure, unless there’s a lot of effort going into your dreams and your ventures, nothing will ever really happen. Success is an award for the aggressive. Playmakers are aggressive. They go hard after the ball, and they are willing to throw their bodies into the melee and to fight for the prize. So be the playmaker. Change the game. Change your life.

DETERMINATION

The power to win must come from within

Confidence is an essential trait of a good rebounder, whether on the basketball court or in life. But determination is the core attribute that breeds confidence and the fundamental characteristic that produces results. For this reason, determination is the quality you need most in order to bounce back from your past failures or from the missteps that have taken you further from your goals.

Sometimes the best way to understand a complicated virtue is to look at a person who has manifested that virtue in his or her life. So whenever I am speaking or writing about the virtues that lead to success, I often point toward representative human beings who embody the qualities I am trying to explain. Winston Churchill is one of my favorite historical figures and one of my favorite examples of admirable virtues, particularly when it comes to the virtue of determination.

Churchill refused not only to back down in the face of incredible odds, but he refused to surrender when many in his own government wanted him to. Early in World War II, Churchill had an opportunity to negotiate terms of peace with Germany. Encouraged by his foreign secretary and many in his own government to seek early terms of surrender that would be favorable to Great Britain, Churchill refused and stood firm in his resolve to triumph over Nazi tyranny.

In fact, for four days in May 1940, Churchill was put in a position of having to defend his staunch opposition to German expansionism, because Churchill had to make his case for war to the British War Cabinet, and for a time it appeared that Churchill would lose this battle and be forced from office. But Churchill stood firm in his resolve and strongly made his case for fighting the war until total victory was achieved. “If this long island story of ours is to end at last,” he said in a speech to his cabinet, “let it end only when each one of us lies choking in his own blood upon the ground.”

Behind every great victory stands a determined individual, a person who is resolved to push through his fears and past defeats until final victory is achieved. Determination is the foundation of success.

As we consider Churchill during this time in history, we recognize determination even though we may not be able to give a definition for determination on the spot. When a football team that is down four touchdowns at halftime comes back on the field for the second half with an obvious resolve to dig themselves out of the hole, that’s determination. When a high school student who has been turned down for five part-time jobs puts on a tie and prepares to go to his sixth job interview, that’s determination. And when a next-door neighbor’s dog keeps finding ways to dig tunnels beneath your fence even though you have poured concrete down the entire length of the property line, that’s determination.

A determined man refuses to back down from a fight, but the persistent man refuses to quit until the fight is over.  Persistence is determination on steroids. It is determination that hangs around for a long, long time and refuses to go away. Persistence is the quality that drives great players to keep executing the fundamentals even though those fundamentals haven’t been working for them lately. Persistence is the quality that drives basketball teams to compete hard for sixty minutes and to keep suiting up and coming back out on the court in spite of a long series of losses.

If you know you are doing the right thing and you know you are pursuing a goal that is worthy of your life, you need to be determined. But you need to be determined in a persistent way. You need to boil slowly and steadily until you are finally finished and your mission is accomplished. You don’t need to erupt with passion and then follow that enthusiasm with long bouts of indifference. Victory is reserved for the persistent.

Have you ever been watching a football game when somebody fumbled the ball? In almost every sport that involves a ball, the object of the game involves controlling the ball more than your opponent. So in baseball, basketball, football, and every other type of “ball,” things can get really crazy when the ball gets loose and everybody starts chasing it.

This craziness is especially evident in football, because not only must the players compete with one another to take possession of the ball; they must compete with the ball itself, which never seems to cooperate with the people who are trying to catch it. Because of its shape, a bouncing football can really be difficult to grab. So the process of taking possession of a loose football involves wrestling with the ball and with 21 other people.

No opposing player is going to just hand you the ball; you have to take possession of the ball. And that can be difficult because of the nature of the bouncing ball and the nature of human competition. Sports are a great analogy for life, because life is filled with opportunities, but life is also filled with a lot of people who are going to get in your way as you try to pursue those opportunities. It’s not that these people want to make life difficult for you. It’s just that everybody is chasing the same “ball,” so conflict is inevitable. And even when the conflict subsides, the opportunities themselves can be frustrating, because they seem to change from moment to moment and they seem to slip through our fingers with ease. In life, we must resolve to pursue it in spite of how much effort it takes to recover that bouncing ball.

Regardless of the sport, the moment of final victory is always remarkable. Whether it’s the clearing of the bench following the final “out” in the World Series or the obvious thrill of a professional golfer who sinks a birdie putt on the 72nd hole to win the U.S. Open, the moment when victory is finally achieved is a moment that will replay in our memories and on highlight reels for generations to come.

But what the participants know and the spectators don’t always understand is the volume of work that is required to get to that moment. Victory is not just a flash in time, and winning is not just an event. Greatness in any sport, like greatness in life, is a process that takes a lot of time, a lot of work, and a lot of sheer determination.

The journey from “here” to “there” is not made on a superhighway paved with smooth asphalt and bordered with lovely landscaping. The journey from “here” to “there” is a journey that is sometimes hard, sometimes easy, sometimes fast, and sometimes slow. Victory in any realm is a series of tiny steps and a series of multiple decisions. Every day of your life, you will be called upon to make personal choices that are destined to define your future. And while some of your choices may produce immediate rewards, most of them won’t. You will have to make a few mistakes along the way and you will have to miss a few shots and fall short of a few goals to learn the things you will need to know in order to become a champion.

So take heart and be confident about the future. Everything that has happened to you until now is merely training for the rest of your life, and the things you have endured are a down payment on your future success.

POUNDING THE BOARDS

No one plays this game or any game perfectly. It’s the guy who recovers from his mistakes who wins.

—Phil Jackson

All my life, I have been struck by the countless similarities between sports and life. Both sports and life require know-how, both demand talent and skill, and both can lead to glorious and fulfilling victories. However, sports and life are marked with obstacles and setbacks too, with mistakes and with crushing defeats. They are each marked with opposition, competition, and failure. And they offer us challenges, as well as opportunities to correct our mistakes and to rise above our failures. In athletic competition, there is always the next game or the next season. In a basketball game, there is always the chance to rebound a missed shot. And in life, we must create the same opportunities to turn failures into successes. We must keep “pounding the boards.” 

I believe that Americans are enthralled with sports because sports contain all the core elements of life. Sports involve conflict, they involve hard work, and they involve reward for a job well done. Sports involve the highest standards of self-discipline and personal responsibility. They involve teamwork, talent, skill, and tremendous focus. But perhaps most importantly, sports involve the opportunity to achieve the greatest imaginable goals at the risk of the worst imaginable defeats in full view of other people.

Sports offer players challenges, as well as opportunities. But sports also offer chances for players to correct mistakes and to rise above past failures, because, in sports there is always the next game and the next season, and in sports there will always be an opportunity to rebound a missed shot, to recover a fumble, or to sink a long putt to save par. So these opportunities, along with the ensuing risks, are what make athletic competition so appealing to the masses. Sports are a perfect analogy for life itself.

This is why we should learn something from America’s favorite obsession. We should learn that life is tough, yet well worth the effort. We should learn that life is risky, yet always salvageable. And we should learn that a person’s full potential can only be realized in the face of great opposition and a multitude of failed attempts.

Have you ever taken a shot at one of your goals only to miss the mark? At one time or another, all of us have fallen short when it comes to the goals we have established for ourselves. But success in the game of life is achieved not in the way we deal with all the triumphs we enjoy along the way; ultimate success is found in the way we deal with the missed shots that can easily destroy us if we don’t learn how to handle them.

I am not exaggerating when I say that I could literally fill the Manhattan telephone directory with the names of people who have achieved great things by overcoming their failures. In fact, most successful people have a track record of failure somewhere in their lives. Henry Ford, H.J. Heinz, and P.T. Barnum all filed for bankruptcy when they were young men. Winston Churchill and Abraham Lincoln suffered numerous political defeats before they were finally elected to office. Thomas Edison was fired twice, and Albert Einstein was expelled from school. And while most successful businesspeople have failed at some point in their careers, most creative geniuses have suffered rejection before they were finally embraced. Just ask Walt Disney or the Beatles.

Greatness, therefore, is not defined by one’s talents as much as one’s tenacity. All of us have talents that provide us with the means for success, but few of us have the ability to bounce back from disappointment and to keep shooting at the goal until we achieve success. It is the ability to rebound your missed shots that will eventually catapult you to greatness, not your ability to score every time you touch the ball.

To my point, a professional basketball team will sign a multi-million-dollar contract to acquire the services of a great rebounder. Rebounders aren’t usually the best ball handlers in the game. In fact, they are so tall and lanky, they typically lack the coordination needed to dribble and pass the ball with confidence. Rebounders aren’t usually the best scorers on the court either. Rarely will you find a “big man” who can shoot a basketball with precision. But rebounders do one thing that is vital to the success of their teams: A rebounders grabs the ball after a missed shot, giving his team a second chance to score. 

It may not seem like it when you watch the highlight reels every night on television, but the world’s greatest basketball players actually miss more shots than they make. Victory, therefore, is dependent on taking possession of those loose balls so the team can have multiple shots at the goal. More often than not, the team that prevails on the backboards is the team that wins the game, and the team that wins the most games is the team that claims the championship at the end of the season.

Just as basketball is not a game of perfection but a game of second chances, life is about second chances too. Victory in life is not reserved for those with perfect shooting records. Rather, victory in life is reserved for those with the ability to rebound from their past mistakes and to try over and over again until they finally achieve success.

What does it take to be a good rebounder? Obviously, for basketball, if you wanted to lead the league in rebounding, you would need certain physical traits. A short player can certainly excel in the game of basketball, but he would never excel “in the paint.” He’s just too short. He doesn’t have the natural qualities that a person needs in order to compete with seven-footers directly beneath the basket. So the first question a person should ask himself before he attempts any lofty goal is whether he has the natural qualities that are necessary for success in that field. Therapists need to have patience, for instance, and morticians need to be able to deal with death.

But the gulf that exists between success and failure is not a gulf that is bridged by natural qualities alone. Most of the people who fail in a pursuit are people who had the natural traits they needed to succeed. But the successful people in any field of endeavor are those who have developed the acquired traits that are necessary to achieve the goals they have established. They have developed the habit of hard work. They have grown in their understanding of their craft. They have learned from their past experiences, especially their failures, and they are applying the wisdom they have gained. They have nurtured relationships that are helpful to the goals they have set for themselves. 

Great rebounders are simply tenacious, and the only thing that matters in the face of a temporary setback is regaining control of the ball and taking another shot at the goal, because success is determined by scoring, not by the number of shots it takes to get there. So keep trying, and never give up. Your past has no effect on your future except to serve as a source of wisdom and motivation.

HOW TO GET RICH IN 2019

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I saw a sign recently that said, YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO RICH OR TOO THIN. Now, I actually believe you can be too thin, I’ve seen it—but can you be too rich? I’ve never seen that! So today, as we look IN at our plans, our goals, and our vision for the upcoming year, I’m challenging you to get RICH in 2019! Make becoming rich your goal. And I’m about to tell you exactly how to do it.

Starting next week, in 2019, you have a brand new year. You have a 12 new months to grow. You have 52 untouched weeks to make memory moments with your family and your friends. And you have 365 exciting new days to laugh and to enjoy life.

My hope for you this year is that you will be RICH.

  • Rich in learning.

  • Rich in family.

  • Rich in adventure.

  • Rich in health.

  • Rich in peace.

  • Rich in your soul.

Dolly Parton says, “You can be rich in spirit, kindness, love and all those things that you can't put a dollar sign on.”

To reach this level of richness, you will have to put forth some serious effort. You don’t just automatically have an amazing family with motivated, respectful kids and a loving, peaceful atmosphere at home. You have to WORK for that. Is it worth all the effort? Yes, it is. It is worth everything you can pour into it. Believe me, I have talked with many, many people who would trade everything they have for great kids and a loving home. If you have that, you are truly rich.

So let’s look for just a few minutes on how to be rich in 2019, and what it will take to get you there. Here’s the goal: This time next year, on this week of Christmas, you should be able to look back over your year and clearly see that you have accomplished what you set out to do. So, first, what is it that you want to do?

I’m going to ask you to write it down. A lot of you are thinking, “I can just decide it in my head. It is the same thing. Thoughts are thoughts.” But that’s not altogether true. It’s actually not the same thing at all. Psychologist tell us that we become 42% more likely to achieve our goals if we write them down. Why is this?

One reason is the way our brain works. When you think about your goals, you are using the right side of your brain – the imagination station. But when you take the next step and write down your goals, you are engaging the left side of your brain as well. The left side is the part of your brain that deals with facts and logic. So while the right side of your brain is thinking of what you want from life, the left side is working on a plan. If all you do is think about it, you will not get very far. You need to engage the left side and get your thoughts down on paper.

Write down your goals. Start with this pattern and fill in the blank for the one that applies to you.

  • On December 26, 2019, I will weigh ____ lbs.

  • On December 26, 2019, I will have a job doing_______________________

  • On December 26, 2019, I will have saved $_______________

  • On December 26, 2019, I will be able to say that I slept an average of 7 hours each night of the week

Now, those are all fairly expected goals. In fact, the 4 most common New Year’s resolutions are to get healthier, to exercise more, to save more money, and to focus on self-care— i.e. get more sleep! Researchers tell us that lack of sufficient sleep wrecks havoc on our brain, affecting mood, judgment, concentration, memory, and causing us to be susceptible to illness. So start snoozing!

But back to our goals. Yes, these are common goals, but they are still very good goals, and you should keep them in front of you as a specific, measurable targets. But today, I want you to go one step further. I want you to think about what would make you truly rich. Write down a richer goal.

Start with this pattern and fill in the blank for the one that applies to you.

  • By December 26, 2019, I will have read __________ books this year.

  • By December 26, 2019, I will have made a point of traveling to __________ places I have never been.

  • By December 26, 2109, I will be able to count __________ people as close friends that I intentionally invest time into on a regular schedule.

These goals are starting to look like a richer life, but what about the other pieces? What about the areas that you can’t quantify?

How do you measure love?

How do you quantify laughter?

How can you make a line item for peace or happiness?

You may not have a metric for measuring these riches, but you can certainly have them as a goal to keep before you all year. So, go ahead. Write those down too. Do you want more peace? More love? More joy? More respect? More meaningful conversations? More collaboration with your spouse? More adventures with your kids?

This time, use this pattern:

  • On December 26, 2019, I will know I am rich when I ____________________________.

See, a wonderful life, is a life well-lived. And to live well you need to be rich. Yes, money is a wonderful thing, and I hope that you are motivated and that you already have money goals, investment plans, and income strategies to provide the money you will need. But being rich is so much more.

As we finish out this last year of 2018, take some time to reflect on this past year. There have been a lot of ups and downs. There have been a lot of opportunities – some were taken some were missed. There have been friends – some have stayed, some have gone. There has been happiness, there has been pain. Don’t waste any of those experiences.

Use everything you have learned this past year to make 2019 better. And go into 2019 knowing what you want from this year. Go in with your goals written down, with your plan in place, and with the expectation of success.

I hope this is the richest year you have ever had.

Happy New Year!

And Godspeed to you as you make the rest of your life the best of your life!

I hope you enjoyed this episode! Please share it with friends and colleagues, or on social media. 

If you liked what you heard, I’d love it if you would leave a five-star review on iTunes here. 

THREE CHRISTMAS GIFTS

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We are in week three of our series IN, OUT, UP, and DOWN, and today we are focusing on looking OUT at our health and healthy relationships. Right now, in the week before Christmas, a conversation about health and healthy eating may be a little challenging! However, in just two

weeks we will be in January, when everyone focuses a renewed interest in getting in shape and losing weight.

As we all know, good health is vitally important to sustaining an active lifestyle in the years to come, and it’s very difficult to begin a quest for health after decades of neglect. Let me encourage you to assess where you are in your eating, sleeping, and exercise habits, and to choose one area to focus on for the first quarter of 2019. An excellent place to start is sleep. Most of us do not get enough sleep, and it affects our productivity, our mood, our eating, and our general sense of wellbeing. Once you start giving your body the amount of sleep it needs, exercising and eating well are much easier to accomplish. We all know the areas we need to improve, and I just want to encourage you that your health is important in your continued success. When you are looking OUT, look out for yourself, and pay attention to you.

The other part of looking OUT that I want to talk about with you today is relationships. Here at Christmas time, we have an added focus on friends and family, and often this brings additional enjoyment or additional conflict! I’d like to look at relationships by showing you three gifts that you can give to the people in your life. First, we have a gift for the people we know and like. Second, there is a gift for people we find difficult, and finally, we will talk about a gift for the person who has everything.

You have heard me say before that the only things that will last in this world are the Word of God and people. Since we know that, our interactions with people should be of extreme importance to us. It is often this interaction, though, that contributes the most to our joy or to our unhappiness.

Basically, we can group people into two categories. One is people that we know and like or would like to get to know. The other is people who bring challenges into our lives.

First, let’s look at the gift for the people that we know and like. The best gift we can give these people is the gift of listening, the gift of our focused attention. It is fascinating how people respond when they are given complete, undivided attention. M. Scott Peck says, “You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time.” I challenge you to hold a one-on- one conversation and be purposeful about giving the person all of your attention. Don’t look around. Don’t check your phone. Don’t watch TV. Just truly listen. Listen to what they are saying, and make the conversation about them. You will be surprised at how people bloom when they know you are completely invested in hearing them.

Several years ago at a Christmas party for young married couples, I remember playing an intriguing game. When we first arrived, the hostess gave each of us five toothpicks, and the rules were that as we mingled and chatted with friends, we were not allowed to use the pronoun ‘I.’ If we did use ‘I’, we had to surrender a toothpick to whomever we were speaking with at the time. This went on for the first half of the party, and toothpicks were frequently passed back and forth. It was interesting to see how often we all used ‘I’ in our conversations. As it turned out, the person who collected the most toothpicks at the end of the time was the person who had spoken the least and listened the most. It was actually an enlightening game for all of us, and I often think about that in my own conversations with people. Just as Larry King said, “I remind myself every morning: nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I’m going to learn, I must do it by listening.”

So, for all the people in your life that you like and would like to get to know better, give them the gift of listening and of your undivided attention. I think you will be amazed at the response.

Now…for those challenging people, I am proposing that you also give them a gift. Give them the gift of seeking to understand. Why are they the way they are? Is there something in their life that has caused them to see the world differently? Have they been hurt so badly that their resentment colors everything they do? Do they come from a different background and the two of you have a hard time finding common ground? Can you understand something more about them that gives you a better perspective on who they are?

Even when you understand more, there may be people you simply do not enjoy being around. And that’s OK. What is not OK, though, is being unkind. People may annoy you, maybe they talk over you, maybe they interrupt, or maybe they have actually been malicious to you, Whatever the reason, when you are unkind, it says a lot more about you than it does about them. If they are intentionally rude to you, then address it with them. Privately is always best so there is no posturing on either side, and again, seek to understand why. Was there a misunderstanding? Is there a false believe on either side? Have they listened to gossip about you, or maybe they have been the one to start the gossip? You may be able to find the root of the problem and clear it up, or you may not be able to work it out after all. But you should try. If you can win them over, you have gained. If you cannot, then perhaps your best course is to choose not to engage them. Step away. Take a break. But most importantly, watch your words.

This is important no matter if you are trying to resolve a conflict or talking to a friend. Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates:

 Is it true?

 Is it necessary?

 Is it kind?

Is it true? Is what you are about to say true, or is it just what you have heard or what you think might be the case? If you are stating something as fact, make absolutely certain that it is a fact, and even if it is true, check yourself. Is it necessary? It what you are saying essential to the conversation? Is it important that it be heard? Because, above all is the third question. Is it kind? Do your words build up a person, or tear them down? Will they leave the person better, or would it be better if your words were left unsaid? Most conflicts are started because people said things that were either untrue, unnecessary, or unkind. Make sure your words meet these three critical standards before you speak them.

Just like a doctor, you should adopt the motto when speaking of, “First, do no harm.” Then do some good. Make your conversation positive and uplifting. Go out of your way to compliment someone, to thank someone, and to let them know that they are valuable to you. Which brings us to our third gift…what do you give someone who has everything?

The best gift you can give someone this Christmas is the gift of your time. Australian actress Claire Holt says it well, “One of the greatest gifts in life is giving time and giving love. It helps me stay grateful and happy.”

Time is the most valuable commodity you have, and when you give someone your time, you are giving them a part of you that cannot be duplicated or replaced. Call your grandmother. Take your mom to lunch. Send an email to your employee or coworker. Have coffee with a friend. Text or meet in person, and tell someone that they are meaningful to you and loved by you by giving them the gift of time. What do you give someone who has everything? Give them what they don’t have—your time, your undivided attention, your listening ear, and your kind words.

I hope that you have a wonderful Christmas and that you are surrounded by people you love. And I hope too, that you are able to strengthen your relationships with these three gifts and you find a new appreciation for the people around you.

When you grow in your relationships and develop true friendships, the rest of your life will indeed be the best of your life!

I hope you enjoyed this episode! Please share it with friends and colleagues, or on social media. 

If you liked what you heard, I’d love it if you would leave a five-star review on iTunes here.