BOUNCE BACK - CONTROL

Pivot Points

A lifetime is filled with many experiences that become “pivot points” in a person’s destiny. Sometimes these “pivot points” can take a person down a pathway of blessing that he could never have imagined when he started the journey. But at other times, life can take a person down a highway that leads to disappointment and tragedy. That is why all of us need a second shot at life. In some area of your life, you need an opportunity to make something right that has gone wrong.

 In the short-run, these devastating defeats are the times in life that are difficult and painful. But in the long run, these are the times that build character and impart the wisdom that we need for the road ahead. So in a way, our times of failure are the best times for us, because these are the times that clarify our vision and nurture our resolve. These are the times that make us strong and point us in the right direction.

 The difference between allowing our setbacks to destroy us, and letting them strengthen us is found in the way we respond to them. When a person allows his worst disappointments to better clarify his purpose in life or when a person allows his temporary setbacks to ignite a passion in his heart for the things that truly matter to him, then these moments of difficulty can become the watershed moments when we learn to take control of ourselves and learn to take control of those things we have the power to influence. They also are the times when we can learn the wisdom of releasing those things that we cannot control, those things that are beyond our command.

 Have you ever tried to learn a sport? I’m not talking about learning the rules of the sport so you can follow the game on television. I’m talking about learning the sport itself. Have you ever tried to actually learn to play a competitive sport?

 If so, you know that every sport is more difficult than it appears. You also know that the proper way to play the sport is not the way that seems right at first. The proper way to swing a tennis racket is not the way we tend to swing it instinctively. The proper way to roll a bowling ball is not the way that feels most natural. And a proper golf swing is extremely uncomfortable. Therefore, the best way to learn to play a sport is to learn it incrementally, a little at the time. As you become comfortable with one process, you can move on to the next process, and eventually, you will improve.

 Life is the same way. People don’t go from obscurity to success simply by getting up one morning and deciding to do so. To master the skills that go into success, a person must hone those skills slowly over time. He must work toward a goal a little each day, nurturing the processes of achievement a little bit here and a little bit there until excellence is finally attained.

 Particularly in times of crisis, a person who wants to succeed must work toward his goals a little bit each day. He must make small daily deposits into the reservoir of knowledge and experience that will be needed when the time comes to take his crucial shot. Learn to do the things that are necessary every day to move your life forward just an inch or two.

 Achieving greatness requires self-control. Your ability to overcome your setbacks is dependent on your willingness to accept this harsh reality,  your willingness to take responsibility for yourself.

 Obviously, there are a lot of things you won’t be able to control as you take another shot at your goals. You won’t be able to control the economy. You won’t be able to control the weather. You won’t be able to control what your enemies do, or even what your friends choose to do. But the tides of life can turn for you once you learn to control yourself because, in the end, you are responsible for the outcome of your own life.

 Unfortunately, if there is a flaw that is common today, it is the tendency to blame others for the circumstances of our lives. It is the tendency to see ourselves as victims of other people’s decisions, other people’s actions, and the circumstances created by other people’s deeds. But if you have failed in the past, you need to understand the role that you played in your own demise, and you need to be ready to master your own weaknesses as you prepare to try again.

 Reinhold Niebuhr wrote one of the most famous prayers in the history of the church, the “Prayer of Serenity.” Niebuhr prayed, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.” Can you pray this prayer with Neibuhr? Can you honestly ask the Lord to give you these same three qualities?

 Neibuhr prayed for serenity, but he did not pray for serenity in every situation. Serenity, like most qualities, is only useful in the appropriate context. So when Neibuhr prayed for serenity, he prayed for it in those situations that proved to be beyond his control. He wanted to maintain an inner peace and calm when there was nothing he could do to change the circumstances affecting him.

 Neibuhr also prayed for courage. When faced with things he could not control, Neibuhr wanted serenity. But when faced with things that he could control, Neibuhr wanted valor and nerve. When the heat is on and the battle is raging, the proper response is one of bravery, not contentment. The proper stance is one of audacity, not mellowness. So God will give us courage to do the things we must do if we are willing to ask him for it. He will give us courage if we will show ourselves willing to fight the battles we must fight to move our lives forward.

 Neibuhr prayed for wisdom. The key to success is to know the difference between serenity and courage and to know the difference between those times when one is appropriate and when the other one isn’t. So ask God for serenity, and ask him for courage. But most of all, ask him for wisdom. The ability to tell the difference between what is appropriate and what is inappropriate is the foundation of a good life.

 With daily installments, controlling what you can, releasing what you can’t, and knowing the difference between them, not only will you bounce back from failure but you will be well on your way to achieving your goals and you will eventually find yourself at the finish line.

BOUNCE BACK - TIMING

Do You Have a Good Sense of Timing?

Think about all the wonderful things that have happened in your life. Think about the day you found your job. Think about the day you met your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, or your girlfriend. Think about the day you met your best friend or the day you bought your house.

 If you really think about it, most of the pivotal events of your life and most of your greatest achievements were a result, in part, of good timing. You got your job because you happened to bump into an old friend who works there, and she told you about the opening. You bought your house because a coworker just happened to invite you to his pool party, and you saw the “For Sale” sign in the yard when you drove by.

 It can almost send shivers up your spine to think about how close all these wonderful events came to not happening. But they did happen, and that serves as a lesson to us that timing is just essential to success as hard work or talent or personal contacts or preparation. Timing determines when something is bound to happen and when something is improbable.

 To achieve your goals, therefore, you need to have a good sense of timing, and you need to understand how timing impacts your success or failure. A baseball player must swing the bat at precisely the right moment if he intends to hit the ball over the centerfield wall, and a visionary must time his actions perfectly if he hopes to give life to his dreams, because most dreams fail not from a lack of effort or sincerity, but from poor timing.

 For better or for worse, all the important events of our lives prove to be the product of timing. For instance, have you ever had an automobile accident? Have you ever collided with another car? At some point in our lives, most of us will be involved in an automobile accident.

 But just think about that for a moment. What if that other car hadn’t been in that spot at the moment the collision occurred? What if the other driver had paused for just one second to adjust his rear-view mirror before backing out of his driveway? What if you had caught that red light at the last intersection instead of barely making it through?

 If something had only occurred to alter the moment when both drivers’ cars arrived simultaneously at the point of impact, the collision would never have occurred. But the collision did occur, and it occurred because the timing of your arrival at that spot coincided precisely with the arrival of the other driver at the same spot… and the rest is history.

 You cannot control all the elements of timing that go into a planned venture. Regardless of how meticulously you may have planned ahead, you could never have predicted the power outage that happened on the day of your grand opening or the new business regulation the state assembly decided to adopt during their special legislative session.

 Sometimes we fail because of bad timing. But even though we cannot control everything, we can foresee most things if we will only look and pay attention to what is happening around us.

 Most people are aware of King Solomon’s beautiful soliloquy about timing. In the Bible Solomon wrote, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens” (Ecclesiastes 3:1, NIV). There is “a time to be born and a time to die… a time to weep and a time to laugh… a time to be silent and a time to speak… a time for war and a time for peace” (Ecclesiastes 3:2-8, NIV).

 Of course, the unspoken reality that is hidden in these verses is the reality that the reader needs the wisdom to know which time is at hand. Is it God’s time for us to speak up or God’s time for us to remain silent? Is this the time to weep or is this the time to laugh? Only experience can teach us to know the difference. And unfortunately, experience usually comes with some pain.

 So if you have failed in the past, you need to understand what went wrong. Did you have the wrong idea, or did you simply try to execute your idea at the wrong time? If a lack of knowledge or a lack of planning did you in the first time around, then fix those things before taking another shot at your goals. But if timing was your problem, try to time your next shot a little better.

 Be aggressive when it’s time to be aggressive, but be patient when it’s time to be patient. Be fearless when it’s time to be fearless, but be cautious when it’s time to be cautious. Be strong when it’s time to be strong, be flexible when it’s time to be flexible, and be sure to utilize your strengths at just the right time. After all, you cannot fly a kite on a windless day or build a snowman in the month of June.

 Leonard Ravenhill, the English evangelist and writer, once said, “The opportunity of a lifetime must be seized within the lifetime of the opportunity.” In life, therefore, there are “seasons” when certain things become possible. But the opposite is true, as well. In life, there are “seasons” when things are virtually impossible.

 One key to success, therefore, is to know the difference and to act accordingly. When circumstances are against you, you should approach a decision cautiously. You should be deliberate in your calculations, and you should ask yourself whether the time is right to take your shot at the goal. But when circumstances are favorable, you should never hesitate to move forward with your plans.

 More often than not, when a “season” is unfavorable for the achievement of a dream, you will know it. But the bitter truth is that we often lie to ourselves. We often tell ourselves what we want to believe instead of the truths we need to face.

 When it comes to your goals, therefore, tell yourself the truth and try to pick the optimum time to maximize your potential for success. If you have prepared yourself for the work that lies ahead, if you have gained the knowledge you need to succeed, if you have surrounded yourself with the right people, and if you have chosen the right path for yourself in life, let the circumstances of your current “season” dictate whether you forge ahead or slow down, whether you pull the trigger or wait for the target to move closer.

 Sometimes we must push on the door of opportunity to pry it open far enough to walk through. But when we push until our arms hurt and nothing happens, we need to wise up and make some course corrections. Success is a product of doing the right thing in the right way… at just the right time.

 Throughout history, the great achievers have been those men and women who have recognized the signs of the times and have moved to take advantage of the trends in their society. Don’t be a stick-in-the-mud. Be contemporary. Be relevant. Sense the direction that the winds are blowing and the currents are flowing, and don’t try to launch a cassette company when everybody is listening to digital.

 Perhaps the biggest disappointment in life is to miss a good opportunity when it comes your way. But the next biggest disappointment is to try to create an opportunity that isn’t really there. So use some common sense as you prepare to take your next shot at life, and be smart enough to know what lies beyond the horizon for you and your dream.

BOUNCE BACK - CONTACT

Life Is a Contact Sport

But what do I mean by that?

All of us know the difference between a contact sport and a non-contact sport. Golf is a non-contact sport, as is tennis, bowling, archery, and swimming. In these sports and others like them, the participants perform certain actions that require great skill, and their success is compared with the success of the other competitors by means of a point system that determines the winner.  

Contact sports, however, are sports like football, soccer, baseball, hockey, and yes, basketball. In these sports, the participants are usually chasing a single ball or puck, or they are trying to put the ball or the puck in a goal or over a line that their opponents are vigorously defending. Consequently, bodies collide, injuries occur, and there is always a trainer on the sidelines waiting to bandage the resulting wounds.  

This is why I say that life is a contact sport. To be successful, a person must chase a prize that other people are chasing, too. And since there are multiple participants in this chase, yet only one prize, collisions are unavoidable and wounds are predictable. People will get severely injured in the “game” of life.  

But there is a big difference between contact and conflict. While contact is a necessary and unavoidable reality of life, conflict is attitudinal. We can compete in school, in business, in romance, and in every other aspect of life without trying to hurt the people with whom we compete and without harboring resentment toward them. We must learn to compete vigorously, but learn to avoid the conflicts that often flow from a wounded ego. There is no trophy in life that is worth the sacrifice of your character.  

Potential wounding also results from within. Some people give up on their dreams because they become discouraged following a setback. But discouragement is a self-inflicted wound, because discouragement is the natural consequence of unrealistic expectations. That’s right! If you are discouraged, you’re discouraged because you expected something from life that life never promised to give you.  

When we are children, we grow up on a constant diet of fairytales. We watch cartoons where the characters bounce off the ground after falling. We watch movies where the lead character always wins. Our parents always tell us that we are smart, handsome, beautiful, and special. And in the beginning, at least, we don’t even get grades on our homework. We just get checkmarks, indicating that we have completed the task.  

But real life isn’t so kind. After we grow up, life can get downright tough. It is unfair, it is problematic, and it is competitive. The older we get, the less often somebody will bandage our little “boo-boo” for us and the more our experiences will teach us that we have to learn to navigate the difficult passages of life on our own. Unfortunately, those dangerous passages can often leave us shipwrecked on the rocks.  

In life, as in sports, the greatest locker room celebrations are reserved for those teams that have faced the stiffest competition and have managed to prevail. They are reserved for those individuals who have endured the greatest criticism yet have risen to the top. Nobody wants to win the NBA Finals by having the opposing team forfeit. Victory at no cost is no victory at all, and such shallow triumphs can never settle the question of who is worthy to be called “champion.”  

For a victory to be a real victory, the competitors must clash on every imaginable front. The competitors must outplay one another on the field, outthink one another in the locker room, and outmaneuver one another in the pregame hype. A championship team must be prepared to endure hardships and challenges on every level. And when they are, the victory will be all the sweeter and the title will be much more meaningful.  

Life is tough. In fact, life is cruel sometimes, and many of the things you have hoped for may never materialize in your life. But the silver lining in this dark cloud of reality is that, if you truly possess a compulsion to win, you will eventually prevail in your pursuits. And if you do possess that kind of motivation, your rewards will be sweeter when you finally taste them and more satisfying because of the challenges you endured.  

Athletic competition on the professional level requires a lot of talent and a lot of hard work. Nobody succeeds as a professional athlete unless that person possesses an enormous amount of skill and is willing to pay the price to climb to the top of his sport. And that is why the top athletes command such exorbitant salaries.  

Success never comes easy. These athletes have to outperform a lot of other people who are also good at their crafts, and they have to overcome their own tendencies to settle for mediocrity in their respective sports.  

If you want to get the big paycheck and the notoriety and respect that come with it, you are going to have to pay the piper. You also will be required to fight for the thing you want to attain. You will have to fight yourself, you will have to fight the circumstances around you, and in a competitive kind of way you will have to fight other people if you want to claim the prize. Competition is the name of the game.  

Don’t be afraid to fight, therefore, for the goal you want to achieve. This doesn’t mean you have to hate the people with whom you contend or that you have to hurt them or delight in their second-place finish. This means that you must simply learn to prevail in the contact that will take place as both of you do your best.

BOUNCE BACK - BALANCE

Have You Ever Watched the Winter Olympics?

If so, you have probably watched the figure skating competition, because this event is one of the most popular at the winter games. This event lasts a couple of days because the participants are required to go through two grueling competitions, both of which are designed to test different aspects of the skaters’ skills.  

On the first day of competition, for example, the skaters are required to compete in the “short program” or “compulsory skate.” The next day, they are required to compete in the “long program” or “free skate.” Then, after the points are added together for these two events, a champion is crowned and the medals are awarded.  

An Olympic skater, therefore, must have a balanced approach to his or her craft. Being the world’s best in the “short program” would be a good thing, but unless the skater in question could also perform well in the “free skate,” that skater would have no chance of winning a championship.  

And so it is with life. As you pursue your expertise in your chosen field of interest, don’t forget that life, like sports, is a test of many demands. A baseball player must be able to field the ball, throw the ball, run the bases, and swing a bat if he hopes to sign a big contract as a major-leaguer. And you must learn to balance your spiritual life, your family life, your work life, and your personal life if you hope to be a genuine success.  

You know that no two people are alike. But when we think about the things that distinguish people from one another, we usually think of physical characteristics like gender or hair color, or we think about personality traits or individual preferences. But rarely do we consider the fact that people are different in their priorities. In fact, people’s priorities probably distinguish them as much as any other attribute we can name, because no two people will have the same priorities in life. Each person is unique when it comes to what will consume him.  

Some people live to work while other people work to live. Some will put their spiritual lives at the forefront while others are inspired by hobbies or social pursuits or business endeavors. The person who values something more highly than something else will not hesitate to sacrifice his secondary ambitions in order to attain his primary ambition. People also will judge one another based upon their priorities, because, if your priorities don’t align with mine, my tendency will be to criticize you for your choices.  

When it comes to ordering your priorities for success, there is one guiding principle that will never fail you: if you will simply ask yourself, “What is my return on investment from this pursuit?” then you will rarely go wrong. Relationships that strengthen your life, personal pursuits that add to your life, and business quests that promote you in every important way are things that need to be at the top of your “to do” list. But things that drain you or deplete your time and resources are not worthy of your attention.  

Here’s another one of those profundities we are so fond of repeating - “No pain, no gain”. But how often do we stop to ponder the reasoning that gave rise to such sayings? When we say, “No pain, no gain,” we are usually thinking about physical exercise or some sort of athletic conditioning. If we want to grow stronger, we are going to have to exercise, and exercise is painful.  

But I believe this saying is true in every dimension of life. If we want to succeed in any pursuit, we will have to make certain sacrifices. And sacrifices are painful. Nobody likes to go without his favorite comfort foods in order to lose weight, and nobody likes to set aside his favorite video game in order to study for a test. But if a person intends to hoist the trophy over his head, he is going to have to turn loose of the things he is holding. That’s just the way it is.  

So, another word for “sacrifice” is “pain,” and another word for “pain” is “investment.” The path to the top requires us to set aside a lot of the things we would prefer to do today in favor of the promise of a greater reward when we finally reach the summit.  

But, what should we be willing to sacrifice in order to achieve our goals? Should we sacrifice our families, our spiritual lives, our health, our friendships? The wise person considers carefully the investment he must make as he straps on his running shoes and prepares to run the marathon that will take him to his goals.  

No person has ever achieved anything great without devoting himself to the pursuit of a dream. And no person has ever successfully pursued a dream without having passion for that dream. So passion is a good thing. It is one of the prerequisites for greatness.  

But like so many of the other prerequisites for success, passion must be tempered. A basketball player cannot throw the ball at the backboard as hard as he can throw it and hope to score a goal. And a golfer cannot swing at a golf ball as hard as he can swing the club and hope to hit a good shot. All the energies that go into competitive sports must be tempered if they are to be effective, and all the ingredients that go into personal success must be tempered if they are to be fruitful.  

Passion, for instance, can easily consume the one who possesses it, causing him to be so committed to his dream that he neglects the other aspects of his life. Surely, to be great at something, a person must “defer” all his other priorities in order to focus for a while on the task at hand. But over the long haul, if a person doesn’t learn to balance his personal pursuits with all the other important parts of his life, destruction is assured.  

Have you failed at something in the past? Are you anxious to take another shot at your dreams? Good! But before you take that shot, make sure that all the other aspects of your life are ready for the sacrifices you will have to make to push your dream forward. Learn to ask yourself why you do what you do and whether it is good for you in the long run. Make sure your dreams are worth the “investments” you are going to have to make, and make sure the return on your investment is well worth the sacrifice, because you can have almost anything your heart can imagine, but you cannot have everything all at once. And even though your dream may consume a lot of your time for a while, make sure you set aside some time to focus on the other important parts of your life. If you do, you will succeed all the way around.

BOUNCE BACK - STRENGTH

Have You Ever Competed In a Marathon?

If not, have you ever attended a marathon or watched footage of a marathon? If you have ever been associated with a marathon—even remotely—you know that very few participants express any hope of winning the race. Most participants in a marathon simply want to finish the course.

With this in mind, it is inspiring to watch some of these people as they complete the final yards of their 26.21875-mile run. In fact, I have seen some people overdo it when it comes to their desire to finish the race. I have seen people so weary and so dehydrated, they run in circles, sometimes halting altogether before mustering the breath and the energy needed to take their final steps

But even though I have seen some people so delirious at the end of this grueling ordeal that they have actually steered themselves in the wrong direction, it is inspiring to see people who are driven so tenaciously by an all-consuming purpose. They would seemingly rather die than give up during the last few steps of the race.

But once again, athletic competition serves as a great illustration of the principles of success in life, because nobody can run a race without a certain amount of physical strength, and nobody can finish a lengthy race without a whole lot of strength of purpose. The same is true in life.

To do anything that the masses are not doing will require a commitment from you that will test you, stretch you, and at times come to close to “killing” you. But if you are blessed enough to be consumed with a passion for something that means more to you than life itself, you will find a way to finish your race. You will find a way to succeed with this strength of purpose.

In Game 3 of the 2002 NBA Eastern Conference Finals, the Boston Celtics entered the fourth quarter trailing the New Jersey Nets by 21 points. But when the final buzzer sounded, the Celtics had won the game, outscoring the Nets by 25 points in the last 12 minutes, thus completing the greatest fourth-quarter comeback in NBA playoff history.

It’s easy to give up when you find yourself behind. It’s easy to quit when you find your back against the wall. But life, like a basketball game, isn’t over ‘til it’s over. And the victory goes not to the team that had the biggest lead during the game or even to the team that performed best on the court. The victory goes to the team that had enough endurance to see the battle through to its conclusion and enough fortitude to hang in the game until the final buzzer.

It is amazing how many people have risen to the top of their respective fields, not by being smarter or faster or more determined, or even more clever than the people around them. A lot of people have prevailed in life simply because they refused to give up and they stuck around while all their competition lost interest or gave up.

Almost every sport begins its season with intensive training that is designed to get its participants in shape for the conflicts that await them. The centerpiece of this preseason preparation is a brutal regimen of physical conditioning that will strengthen lungs as well as hearts, and strengthen resolve as well as talents. Winners, therefore, must be ready to endure a long season and a lot of intense opposition before they can claim the title of “champions.” Great people, too, must learn how to stick around.

Strength is also needed in performance – taking action to do what we say we want to do and have intent to do, as opposed to saying one thing but doing another, otherwise known as hypocrisy. When a person claims to be governed by a certain moral principle but does the opposite in his private life, that is hypocrisy. And when a person claims he has done something he hasn’t really done, that is hypocrisy.

With this in mind, perhaps the subtlest form of hypocrisy that we encounter every day—in our own lives and in the lives of others—is the constant talk we put forth about the things we say we are going to do, things we know in our hearts we probably will never do. But integrity is expressed through actions, so, in the end, it’s not about the things we say; it’s about the things we do.

This is why the world rewards action, not talk, and why the world honors achievement, not boasting. In fact, even the most naïve among us are offended by people who constantly bloviate [talk in an inflated or empty way] about things they have never done. For strength of performance, it is important for you to start taking real steps to make your dreams a reality, in spite of your previous failed attempts. Take action, and begin the march toward those things you say you want to do.

Talent is another area that can propel us forward. We all know the show, America’s Got Talent. But do you have talent? That’s the question that counts when we are talking about your potential in life.

The obvious answer to this question is, yes. You do have talent. If you could objectively evaluate yourself, you would conclude, as any honest person would conclude, that you do possess talents that can become springboards to a successful and fulfilling life. In fact, a close analysis of your life would probably reveal at least one talent that really sets you apart from other people.

But the problem with talent is twofold. First, because of the unhealthy human tendency to disparage ourselves, we often cannot see our own potential through the mist of our own self-loathing. Second, because of the equally unhealthy tendency to esteem ourselves too highly, we sometimes think we have talents that we don’t actually possess. The key to success, therefore, is to honestly appraise one’s strengths and weaknesses and then pursue goals that line up with our strengths and that bypass our weaknesses.

Some people, unfortunately, want to do things they are not equipped to do, and this may explain some of your previous failures in life. But a wise person will know his own strengths and be aware of his own weaknesses, and he will migrate toward those things that align with his strengths, avoiding those things he is not equipped to master.

An honest, gut-wrenching self-evaluation is essential before taking up a pursuit that could cost you heavily in time and resources. If you don’t have what it takes to be what you dream of being, then make some adjustments in your expectations. You can do just about anything you decide to do as long as your skills line up with your goals. But you cannot do what you are not designed to do.

The ability to compete is also valuable. Do you have any brothers or sisters? If you have siblings, you understand the nature of the competitive spirit. Before we are old enough to even talk, we are fighting with our brothers and sisters. We are fighting with them for the attention of our parents, and we are fighting with them just to maintain control over our own lives. I believe our siblings were put on this earth to teach us how to settle conflicts with other people.

It is a good thing, therefore, when sibling rivalry can help us learn how to control our emotions and how to settle our disputes in an appropriate way, because competition will be a significant part of our lives for as long as we draw breath. In school, we will compete with other students for starting roles on the basketball team and for scholarships to college. In society, we will compete with other young men and women as we pursue the romantic interests of members of the opposite sex. In the workplace, we will compete with our coworkers for the new job in management, and we will compete every day with the other businesses that are trying to take our clients away from us by offering them new products or better services.

Competition is not a bad thing; competition is a good thing. Obviously, we can compete with other people in unseemly ways. But pure competition is the nature of life. It makes us better, it makes us stronger, and it makes us work harder than we would work if there were no challenges in life.

Different types of strength work are necessary to achieve success. We need the passion to finish, commitment to stick around, resolve to take action and do what we say, talent and skills that match our goals, and the competitive edge to finish strong.